Friday, August 24, 2007
You Don't Know Lyrics
By:Westlife
Nobody knows me
Yet everyone knows my name
Some people judge me
Not knowing that I'm the same
Thanks for the offer
But I keep my old friends always
But then I get lonely
Counting the endless days
Are you here for me at all?
Do you care for me at all?
Well, this time now I know
I ain't standing alone no more
Cos all I want is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won't stare at me no more
Cos all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you think you know
You don't know
You don't know
Some heartfelt emotions
Creeping from deep inside
Cause being this person
Is all I've got left to hide
Were you here from me at all?
Did you care for me at all?
Last time I was told
I ain't standing alone no more
All I need is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won't stare at me no more
And all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you don't know
You don't know
You don't know
You don't know...
sometimes... really feel like what the lyrics describe...someone that hides what his/her true self inside... only to be misjudged by people around... sometimes it just requires a little time and concern from those around... before that someone can open up and reveal who he/she real is like and be accepted but who he/she really is...i kinda formed this shell ever since i returned to singapore from canada baz... coz when i came back... i went straight to primary 1... yes... with the canadian accent... anyway i lost it in a yr's time... thanks to PCK!!! hahaz... anyway... back to point is that... i kinda seemed strange to my classmates... pluz im probably the first person they've seen get straight band 4 for the whole yr!!! my form teacher Miss Goh... she always seemed to be there for me somehow... which was very comforting... imagine being seperated from the class... 29 VS 1!!! when recess came... i would juz hide in one corner in the school and pass that 45 mins... sometimes trying very hard to catch up with my bloody homework... even at primary 1 i was doing homework till 12am -1am!!! maybe it juz kinda became a habit now... my dad will oftern threaten me... "don't finish your work before dinner... you don't eat..." then i would juz strave till they sleep then i'll go sneak some biscuits... hehez... it was until primary 2 that i found my first real best friend... someone who didn't push me away coz i was different... best part!!! she juz lived next blk to me!!! hahaz... then our parents became good friends too... we have the same chinese name... birthday 2 dayz apart... too good to be true... =)after tat... recess didn't become a dread anymore... i think i still have her scissors which i borrowed and forgot to return!!! hahaz... then when we remained in the same class in primary 3... we were even closer... it was so called a fresh start for me... coz i had lost my accent... so was not that strange anymore... then met a few more friends... hahaz... also still in touch with those few though... made quite a few enemies as well... nearly got into a fight once... luckily my friend reminded me how it was not worthwhile... taunted everyday by a few guyz... very pek chek... it's like they were oso not very creative lor... everyday the same few words... i remember during a test my teacher helped me get rid of the nuisance seated behind me... then i already knew that after school i was gonna get it... true enough... before i could leave the classroom they got to me... they took my books and threw it at me... lucky a prefect walked pass... another one of my friends too... hahaz... at the end of primary 4... i moved from bukit panjang... to kovan area... where i live now basically... my life took a deep plunge... i was afraid... very afraid... afraid that history would repeat itself.... being verused by the class... taking one whole yr before getting to know any friends... and it kinda did... i wasn't readily accepted in the class... reason being different again... hahaz... i think i did not alter my uniform... coz my mum knew i did not like to wear anything to do with skirts... so left it long... to make it not feel like a skirt... hehez... after lessons i wld juz hang ard the library... coz sometimes were waiting for my bro to end his cca... my classmates usually hang abt the playground nearby... pt is that most of them already had this bond with them from primay 1 to 4... there's no way you can juz join in like tat... tauntings started again... this time were things like "no. you very short.","your good marks come from bootlicking the teacher rite?" etc. etc. soon it juz got uglier... until i would really dread going to school... every morning i would pretend i had a cough or something to try not to go... once my maths workbook got thrown from lvl2 onto the cover of lvl1... had to get a new one and do everything all over again... my parents didn't help either... if at 9pm i'm still doing homework... tio rotan le... every 30mins 1 time... once my mum could not find the rotan then she took the wooden spoon... wah lao lar!!! dam pain... she wacked until the bloody thing broke lar! then she'll cry then ask why she got such a slow learner for a daughter... u think i wanna learn slow meh... i oso wanna slp de ma... soon i slowly became quiet... i can go hm and my family dun even know that im hm sometimes... i'll juz stay quietly in my room and do my work... cannot finish oso say finish... then the unfinished... go sch next morning before assembly to do... 2 yrs passed and i moved on to secondary sch...same feeling... same uncertainty... worse outcome... hahaz... but not too bad... i met my first gang of friends that i hold close to my heart even until now... we did almost every project we could together... i still remember during secondary 1... i had to go to the hall juz to get one chair nearly everymorning... juz to realise at the end of the sem tat my chairs had disappeared into the power box area... one whole stack of them!!! hahaz... most of the time taunted for my height... my ugly face... again my un-alter skirt... if thatz the way i am... i guess i can't help it rite... im born with it whether i like it or nt... itz not like i chose to be like dat... im juz like dat... then sometimes during lunch and recess i would end up chatting with my maths teacher Mr. Yu... he was like a grand father to me lar... sometimes i late he oso juz close both eyes let me pass quickly... hehez... he oso everytime compare to his daughter lar... "u hor... like my daughter in the past... dun like wear skirt de... everytime only pants and jeans...hiazzz... then grow up then wear skirt... u oso will be no different lor..." i doubt so... hehez... the other teacher was Mr. Bay... i would say he was the first person to give me encouragement in my secondary sch life... he was my PE teacher... coz we were playing touch rugby... then i dunnoe why but i became a favourite target... when i first got away... he told me "great job... keep it up!" i was shocked lar... after that he tried to irritate me in a very different way from my class... he's quite tall... actually much taller as i compare to him... whenever he sees me entering the staff room... then he knows im going to Mr. Yu's table which is the same row as him but juz further in... he would stand up from his table and try to block me... then we would start our little match... hahaz... sometimes i would juz chiong when i enter the staffroom and chiong back out... sometimes i oso manage to get pass him by pure luck... those were really the fun times of secondary sch... usually ppl have the fun times with their classmates... mine was usually with my gang of friends and with the teachers who cheered me up alot after toking with them... during secondary 2... the Austin Powers show came out... the best part... "moley moley moley"... for those who dun noe... i used to have a mole on my right cheek... thatz where it got very irritating... the guyz in my class can juz keep picking on me the whole dam day... oso at the end of secondary 2 did i realise... actually for the guyz... it was cool for them to pick on me... coz one of them picked on me at sch... but on msn at hm he wld apologise... and juz kept saying alot of "er...", "no choice...", "pai seh..." secondary 3... i removed the mole... only my close friends knew... the rest knew from one of the guyz from my sec2 class... he realised when he wanted to irritate me... but he could not find anything to point to... then he went to ask my friends... then they confirmed it... the best part was they yelled across 3 classes "MOLE-LESS!"... i was laughing instead le... hiding i wld say most of pek chek feeling inside... itz like... i got mole u say... i no mole u oso say... wad the hell do u wan?!?!? then got one come and ask me "pain or nt?"... take a knife a cut urself on ur cheek then u tell me pain or not lor... but seriously not as pain as how much humiliation i've gotten from u all since secondary 1... then at secondary 4... we had our own tables... separate from each other... i found a way to shield myself from the hurt i always felt... i took the seat closest to the front door... pushed it a little more front... and kept myself to my own world... the word "INDEPENDANT" hit me hard then... i only relied on myself and no one esle... i can still remember the words from one of my classmates on teachers' day when they were taking the class photos... "sam... can u not be in the photos??"... i only replied... "i wld love to be out as well..." end of sec sch life...now currently in poly... i now realise i kinda bond more with those outside my class... my Marshmallow grp of friends are all not in my class... BA_COMM none in my class... PSP... oso none in my class... i kinda stick to my own world... like my Audit tutor always told me "Samantha you are always wired up in your own world..."
i believe i truly am...
for the past 17 pluz years of my life so far... i've quite a few bunches of friends... here and there... those from primary sch are still some what in touch... secondary school more often for KPool tables and GV halls... poly more for dinners and occasionaly sports... hahaz... but few have i ever opened up to... if i've cried to u before... probably thatz it... coz thatz wad's usually inside... juz years of bottled up sadness... dunnoe why... but yar... itz juz tat... but of course if i cry out... itz the relevent ones... the old ones... i keep inside... coz itz not something for anyone esle to burden... sometimes itz not only to gals do i cry out to... sometimes... guyz oso... i see who probably can understand the situation im in before i call... thatz yy end up got misunderstandings from ppl sometimes... actually most of the time... hahaz... they wld think i like that guy thatz yy i called him to cry...hahaz... juz one call makes that difference sia... i think my past experience hardened the shell that i created back then when i first started primary 1... thatz yy usually in a new crowd... i wun tok... unless someone toks to me first... thatz yy oso when i need help... i still dun turn to anyone... coz i wanna depend on myself and only myself... same thing at home and at sch... i think coz it kinda makes me feel alot safer this way... but i think oso i take a very long time to trust people... probably afraid of history repeating itself again... coz i think my mindset is that... if i dun trust u... no matter wad u say does not matter to me... coz u dun even noe who i am... hiazzz... a bad habit in need to change... badly...
Just The Girl @
1:00 PM
